I’ve never had gay feelings but I want to leave my wife for the hot carpenter

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    DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE my wife and our home but have fallen for a guy who did some carpentry for us.

    The problems started when my wife’s daughter moved in with us after her marriage broke up. She has a boy who’s three.

    Should I walk away from my wife and start a new life with the carpenter?
    Getty – Contributor

    They became my wife’s priority. We had no privacy and our sex life went down the pan. We had a carpenter in to do some new cupboards in their bedroom. I work from home so I got to know the guy really well. He’s gay and 34.

    We got close and he even invited me on holiday with him when his friend had dropped out. We had an amazing time. He is warm, funny and tactile. I just wanted to cuddle him. It was just sex at first but now it is meaningful and romantic.

    My wife is 50 and I’m 52. I’ve never had gay feelings before and I don’t want to hurt my wife, but should I walk away from everything and start again with this guy?

    DEIDRE SAYS: No, you shouldn’t – not without some realistic thinking about what you would be giving up.


    You say you never had gay feelings before. We are all on a spectrum. Could it be that anyone wanting to engage in sex with you would be a pull just now because you feel rejected at home? My e-leaflet Love or Lust? explains how this can happen.

    Have a break from your lover. Can you really imagine a relationship lasting between you two? Tell your wife you understand her daughter needs support but she must channel some energy into your relationship too. Say you would like more time together and you miss the intimacy.

    If you are still unhappy, get counselling support before taking any drastic decisions. You can find out more at relate.org.uk and bacp.co.uk.


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