My lover and I have developed feelings and he’s asked me to leave my husband

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DEAR DEIDRE: I STARTED having an affair just for the sex, but now we have developed feelings for each other – and he’s asked me to leave my husband.

I am 32, my husband is 35 and we have two boys, aged five and seven. I only stay with him for their sake.

My lover and I have developed feelings and he’s asked me to leave my husband
Getty – Contributor

Last autumn I started doing a book-keeping class at our community college so I could start working for myself.

It was good to get out, meet fresh faces and not have children as our only topic of conversation.

The man teaching our evening class made learning seem like fun. I found myself making a special effort to look good to go to college and I got a bit flirty with the teacher if I had to ask a question — and he was flirting back.

The whole class bonded and one evening we went for a drink together. The teacher came too.

Gradually, the two of us talked more exclusively to one another and he suggested I stay behind class the next week and just the two of us go for a drink. He is 41 and has just moved to our area after getting divorced.

We started seeing one another regularly, had sex after about a month — and it was so passionate and romantic.

Getty – Contributor

We started seeing each other regularly after I stayed behind after my book-keeping class[/caption]

My husband has let himself go and we haven’t had sex since my youngest was born.

Now I have sex as often as I can with my lover. His little flat is like our love nest.

I’ve been telling my husband I’m doing extra studying. It was only ever meant to be a sexy fling but we are falling in love and my lover has asked me to leave my husband for him.

Do you think it could work? I feel my marriage is over.

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REJECTION feels devastating but all of us have to survive a broken heart at some time in our life – and we can learn from it and be stronger as a result.

My e-leaflet Moving On can help.

Email problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook.


DEIDRE SAYS: It has been a truly romantic experience for you after years of being Mum and taken for granted by your husband, but look at the practicalities.

You and your lover haven’t been together around your children. I presume you don’t intend to cut them out of your life. Imagine day-to-day life with two little boys missing their dad.

I’m not saying it’s impossible but I am saying it won’t be the romantic dream you are enjoying now.

It will be hard work.

It’s not a good idea to stay with your husband only for the sake of the children, as they pick up wrong messages about what a loving relationship should be like, but do give your marriage one last chance.

Stop seeing your lover for now while you ask your husband to work with you to make one another happy again.

My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT can help.

If it doesn’t work, then you can get together with your lover knowing you at least tried

He’ll wait if he really loves you.


NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE How can I talk my girlfriend round to a threesome with another man?

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